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What a life…

Oh what a whirlwind this life has been.

Since I last posted I have been either kicked out/ran away from my childhood home and into my boyfriend’s home. It was one final night too many between my mother and I. I packed some items and took myself out from the line of fire and into someplace emotionally safer.I’m 26 going on 27 but still…

After my meant-to-be-amazing Wine&Cheese Fundraiser for EWB-UofT (utoronto,ewb,ca) a few weeks ago, I chose to spend the night at Pczech’s. Overnight, things took a drastic change. I woke up to find out that nothing would ever be the same.

I wrote a poem 2 months or so ago about feeling torn between my obligations as a daughter and as a life-partner, that she (mother) misinterpreted. That poem was obviously to be interpreted as you wish but I was 100% not singling her out to be evil or a monster or bitch. She claimed that I am disloyal and untrustworthy because of that and so much more.

After being called a ‘prostitute’, ‘hooker’, and ‘a two-cent whore‘, I knew I had had enough. Oh wait, there is more…She said that I crossed the line by reaching out to one of my aunts and telling her what my mother, the saint, called me over and over again. I was told that I was no longer her daughter and that she’d ensure that I had no more family.

Her siblings were her’s first and I was nothing.

Oh, there is STILL more. She claimed that I called her names online and also stole $300 she had saved from work. All lies… Could I defend myself? Of course nor. Not only that, I am through fighting because it is detrimental to my health.

I write this because I am a mess. I’m hella lucky to have someone who loves me  (Pczech) and somewhere to rest and call ‘home’. He loves me and loves calling his little former bachelor-pad ‘our home’, but I must confess, I still feel lost, drained, and deeply saddened. I ought to relax and be grateful and perhaps at peace n feel calm, but alas I still feel like I don’t belong. Being hated by one’s mother tends to make you feel like you don’t belong anywhere. I also write because if not I will keep crying for yet another week.

I went to my GP to seek help for my current state of being – the lack of sleep, failing to take care of myself, not getting out of bed for days and days. She handed me a tissue and showed me out.

Heartbreak had been familiar to me but only when it came to men; mother’s are not supposed to do worse.

You all know that i have MS that keeps getting worse. I was supposed to be in a coma this past Christmas but the docs saved me from that fate. Easter is a few days away and here I am crying over the computer keys praying I don’t have another relapse.

Back to my whiskey sour I go…

peace, love, and happiness to you all,

love, Sarah

Categories: hmmmm....
  1. April 20, 2011 at 4:34 pm

    I won’t pretend to know what you’re going through, but your words speak louder than words and I truly do feel for you. I feel helpless, like I should be able to do more to help your situation. I’m grateful that you have PCzech to see you through this time in your life and know that things can only get better. ❤

    • April 21, 2011 at 9:28 am

      hi Renee 🙂
      thank you for reading my blog. it needs terribly to be updated and made over! Clearly the last few months have not granted me the time or focus to do so lol. I am posting up the link to the ‘poem’ that destroyed my family (well, sorta).

      please feel free to have a read and let me know where I went wrong…

      love, Sarah
      p.s. kisses to the guys! sooo cute!

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