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Archive for April, 2011

changes need to be made…

April 29, 2011 1 comment

…and I want to make them on this here BLOG!!! =D

Now, I would love love love some suggestions on what to do to this thing. I want it to be fem but still crisp and clean, and perhaps have some red or pink, black..I just don’t know! :S Happy?? hmmm…

I love acting, singing, bopping around town, and eating my way through as many restos as possible. I also love love love my main squeeze and would like LOVE to be incorporated in some way….

SO I would like some suggestions because I have little know how and would love to share some pics onto this thing but I don’t know how to do so.

Please tell me what you all would like to see and I will try to please y’all πŸ˜‰

Bring it if you can πŸ™‚

xoxoxo

❀

Sarah

Categories: hmmmm....

mini-post…

April 29, 2011 Leave a comment

“I [you] made it clear when the line is drawn but now the line is gone”

that is all for now…

also, after watching the young Prince William get married all royal-like, I do believe I just might be having a crisis…*sigh*.

Categories: hmmmm....

Thank you #Twitter + TCL…

April 26, 2011 Leave a comment

DeepakChopra

Take responsibility for what you feel. Don’t project onto others, blame them, or take your negativity out on them.
I juat had to post that quote onto this blog since it encompasses everything I have been going through these last few weeks or should I say years…
My gratitude goes out to all those who have taken the time to dig deeper than my simple Twitter posts and read this blog, whatever posts I have made thus far at the very least. You support has more than inspired me and my writing and I hope to keep things real, more visceral, and as honest as always.
Can I share a recent happening with you???
So…I have lost a ton of weight thanks to my recent stresses and I know I have been walking on the edge of a bout of depression, and so I paid a visit to my GP. I know, I know, she is such a useless twit but I just assumed that she would have some insight on how I could better cope with life… HAHAHA!!! She all but showed me the door.
That brings me to week three of my mother-daughter war of the worlds and my LACK OF PROFESSIONAL MEDICAL HELP!!! I swear I went to her, opened up about everything that I experienced, and she handed me a tissue and showed me the door. What the hell was that about?!? So much for help…
Anyhow, I have been in a rut which is neither good for me nor for my hunny-pie or even our fatty of a cat. I just had to rant rather than actually get on with my day.
Note: meditation helps calm the nerves some and skims you down too. Now, if only the upstairs neighbors did some of that…
Categories: hmmmm....

What a life…

April 20, 2011 3 comments

Oh what a whirlwind this life has been.

Since I last posted I have been either kicked out/ran away from my childhood home and into my boyfriend’s home. It was one final night too many between my mother and I. I packed some items and took myself out from the line of fire and into someplace emotionally safer.I’m 26 going on 27 but still…

After my meant-to-be-amazing Wine&Cheese Fundraiser for EWB-UofT (utoronto,ewb,ca) a few weeks ago, I chose to spend the night at Pczech’s. Overnight, things took a drastic change. I woke up to find out that nothing would ever be the same.

I wrote a poem 2 months or so ago about feeling torn between my obligations as a daughter and as a life-partner, that she (mother) misinterpreted. That poem was obviously to be interpreted as you wish but I was 100% not singling her out to be evil or a monster or bitch. She claimed that I am disloyal and untrustworthy because of that and so much more.

After being called a ‘prostitute’, ‘hooker’, and ‘a two-cent whore‘, I knew I had had enough. Oh wait, there is more…She said that I crossed the line by reaching out to one of my aunts and telling her what my mother, the saint, called me over and over again. I was told that I was no longer her daughter and that she’d ensure that I had no more family.

Her siblings were her’s first and I was nothing.

Oh, there is STILL more. She claimed that I called her names online and also stole $300 she had saved from work. All lies… Could I defend myself? Of course nor. Not only that, I am through fighting because it is detrimental to my health.

I write this because I am a mess. I’m hella lucky to have someone who loves meΒ  (Pczech) and somewhere to rest and call ‘home’. He loves me and loves calling his little former bachelor-pad ‘our home’, but I must confess, I still feel lost, drained, and deeply saddened. I ought to relax and be grateful and perhaps at peace n feel calm, but alas I still feel like I don’t belong. Being hated by one’s mother tends to make you feel like you don’t belong anywhere. I also write because if not I will keep crying for yet another week.

I went to my GP to seek help for my current state of being – the lack of sleep, failing to take care of myself, not getting out of bed for days and days. She handed me a tissue and showed me out.

Heartbreak had been familiar to me but only when it came to men; mother’s are not supposed to do worse.

You all know that i have MS that keeps getting worse. I was supposed to be in a coma this past Christmas but the docs saved me from that fate. Easter is a few days away and here I am crying over the computer keys praying I don’t have another relapse.

Back to my whiskey sour I go…

peace, love, and happiness to you all,

love, Sarah

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Categories: hmmmm....